Playing the waiting game

As these last few weeks of my pregnancy come upon me I have been hit by such a range of feelings and emotions surrounding the birth of our son. I have never been one that enjoys playing "the waiting game" in fact, i have often looked back at times in my life where I wish I would have slowed down and enjoyed where I was at instead of pushing forward looking towards life's next "big event". In high school I spent so much time anticipating going away to University that I think I had Sheriff Hall's weekly menu memorized before I even got there.

Since getting married I have looked forward to a day when we would decide to have children. I thought about names, where we would be when we would have them, and often felt jealous hearing others announce pregnancy knowing that it was not the right time for us yet. And yet while I have actually really enjoyed being pregnant (minus those first few months), many times my biggest focus has been, how many weeks till the baby is here???

It is only in the last few weeks the other side of that reality hit home. I began to realize how much "the baby being here" is going to change things. Adam and I have always been spur of the moment in a lot of our planning. We love to grab a meal out, make a day trip to Washington or go away for the weekend, without giving it too much thought. It hit home the other night that we won't be doing many of those things for awhile... and then I started thinking, will we even have time for each other anymore??? Panic began to set in! All of the sudden I was more then happy for this baby to stay in me as long as possible! After much prayer and a few helpful conversations the anxiety began to subside and I remembered that I may be losing some of my freedom, but I will also be a mom, and have the gift of a brand new baby!

So now I fluctuate many times during the day between excitement and the feeling of not being sure if I'm ready for this next step, however, I'm starting to feel more and more OK with it. I am enjoying these last few weeks with my husband and trying to take as much time to enjoy us being a family of two as I can. I also lay awake at night feeling for contractions wondering is it finally going to be time for us to meet our son soon? I am living in the in between, the reality of now and what is to come and trying not to rush the "waiting game".