Removing the plank from my own eye....

I've always found it rather humorous how easy it is to point the finger at someone else and think to yourself: I would never do it that way or if only they did things my way they wouldn't have that problem, etc.

I say this because before I became a parent I thought that I had it all figured out. Even during my pregnancy I remember reading books and thinking, why doesn't every mother do things this way, it seems fairly easy and it would obviously make their lives much easier.

I remember thinking that I would never rock my baby to sleep (heaven forbid that they become dependent on rocking at all of 2 weeks old!), I would NEVER bring my child into my bed to sleep (that was a sacred space for Adam and I only), and I scoffed at those parents who said they couldn't get their baby to take a bottle, after all I was a seasoned pediatric nurse, I had seen plenty of breast fed babies take a bottle after surgery, these mothers must not really be trying.

Oh how I laugh at my thinking back then.

Then I had a child of my own. Try telling an exhausted mother who has been up to feed a newborn every three hours all night to sit in a chair and sooth their baby to sleep while she constantly is nodding off herself. Trust me there was many a night where I would swaddle Jacob, lay him in the crook of my arm and enjoy a blissful 3 hours of sleep.

And I have now had the makes you want to pull your hair out challenging experience of getting a baby who has decided that he no longer wants to take a bottle, to try and bottle feed. Trust me, some babies decide all of the sudden that they do NOT like the bottle no matter how often and how many different ways you try.

And through this journey of motherhood I have come to realize that I am going to mess things up. I WILL make mistakes when raising my children, so it's important not to sweat the small stuff.

I remember feeling so stressed when I told people that after Jacob's last feed of the night I would be so tired that I would often bring him into bed with me. Jacob had TERRIBLE gas when he was an infant and I knew he (and I) would sleep longer if he was snuggled into me. Every time I heard someone utter the words "I don't know if you want to be making a habit of that" I felt like I was permanently damaging my sons chances at ever sleeping by himself. There were times that I thought for sure that Jacob was going to want to sleep with us until he was in Jr. High because I had done this. Before I knew it though, Jacob had no interest in sleeping in bed with me anymore. He would squirm and fuss and then I would put him in his own crib and he would go to sleep. And I have to say there are many times that I miss the days that I could snuggle his body into mine and we could nap together.

All that to say is I've come to believe that there are no hard and fast rules for parenting. There is no book or program that is going to work for every child. In the end I think its important to educate your self but I think that its MORE important to know your child and listen to your own heart. For some people it works to feed their child on a schedule, others choose to nurse on demand. Some will breast-feed while others will feed their children formula. Some will nurse their children to sleep and others will teach their babies to go to sleep on their own.

I've come to realize that the right way to be a mother isn't my way, the right way to be a mother is doing what works for you and your family.

And for me that has been huge.

Suzanne